Letters to Lovers

Right now I’m watching you sleep, and you’re beautiful, in your own way. Your little twitches as your body tried to resist resting, the quiet snores that come every fourth breath or so, it both relaxes me and makes me feel uneasy. I want to hold you, but holding you at this point means I want to stay, and really, that’s one of the last things I want. You’re not that great for me, especially right now in my life. Why? Because you don’t know how to love someone. And this isn’t saying I do, I’m younger than you are. But… I don’t think you’ve been through enough heartbreak to really understand the feeling of loving someone versus literally being ripped apart by someone you are supposed to love. I want you around when I’m done growing up. Assuming that you have grown up too, I think that we could be good together, but years down the line. In the mean time I feel so repressed from everything that I feel I have no choice but to grow into who you want me to be. This is what parents do. You are not my parent… Don’t trap me, please. I want you to come up to me and tell me what you already know. You’re holding me back. Let me go. I want to come back and see that silent face sleeping, but right now I can’t touch it for fear of falling in love with you all over again. Please stop confusing me by being so wonderful for my future self.